Real Mums. Real Recoveries.
My Story
I was very grateful to have had a pregnancy where I had minimal challenges and was able to maintain my usual routine when it came to training, diet and work. With that being said, my postpartum experience made up for everything I managed to avoid when pregnant and challenged me beyond what I could have ever imagined. I was told by many women before me that no one comes out of pregnancy & birth unscathed the challenges just differ for everyone, I now understand.
Having had a relatively easy 9 months, I had assumed or really had hoped, my birth would follow suit. In reality, it was the complete polar opposite and my lack of awareness and preparation both mentally and physically for the fourth trimester showed very quickly. I had envisioned leaving the hospital after a few days and being able to go on walks with my newborn as a new family like I had seen many women do post birth. I had planned to slowly make my way back to Pilates and the gym after my 6 week doctors clearance like again, I had seen so many women before me do first hand.
Every women’s experience with pregnancy, birth and the fourth trimester is so different. We are shown a lot of the positive sides to these experiences and don’t get me wrong, it is truly remarkable what women and our bodies go through but a lot of the “negative, challenging” stories but also the reality of postpartum recovery seems to be kept quiet with the focus being on the baby & the babies progress. I felt very blind sighted and underprepared by my experience and I remember wishing the fourth trimester & baby blues was talked about more because aside from learning everything about your newborn, you are trying to work through your own issues, come to terms with your new body & find your feet within this new routine you now have. It is a very overwhelming, isolating and confronting time.
However challenging, I have no regrets nor hold anyone accountable as I gained a beautiful little boy with personality to the nines. These challenges have also been the motivation behind “Real Mums. Real Recoveries” allowing me to reach out to other women and share their stories of recovery alongside my own. Not to shed a negative light or to scare any new mums off but to show the reality of some women’s experiences which might in turn help another mum going through a challenging time to not feel so alone or as defeated. To know there are other women out there who have had a similar experience and have come out the other side might just be that little bit of positive reassurance another mama needs at a time when everything is feeling unattainable & overwhelming.
So, without further ado, here is my story. A recap from pregnancy, birth and postpartum from then until now.
As I mentioned at the beginning of this blog, I was very lucky to have had a pregnancy with very minimal issues. Aside from making modifications to my training to accommodate the trimester I was in I was able to continue doing HIIT, strength and Pilates workouts. As I started to get into second trimester I began monitoring my heart rate a lot more to keep it at a safe level, was really listening to my body and resting as much as I needed and lightening weights or springs to suit.
Around 30 weeks running began to feel uncomfortable and my heart rate was rising a little too high to quickly so I gave this up. I began doing more Pilates and minimal HIIT/strength style workouts.
By 32 weeks, I began experiencing pain in my pubic bone known as pubic symphysis which was prominent when getting in and out of the car, rolling over in bed, going from sitting to standing and single leg exercises mainly when in a kneeling position. I had terrible pregnancy insomnia and would constantly wake when rolling due to the pain in my pubic bone, by the end, sleep was almost non existent much to the recommendation to “sleep as much as you can before the baby arrives”. I am yet to meet a mama to be who slept easily especially in third trimester!
Keeping active throughout my pregnancy helped me keep my physical health in check but also my mental health. I really noticed how stiff, sore and uncomfortable my body felt on the days I wouldn’t move and how it affected my overall mood. Cat cow stretches became my new best friend, I don’t think a day went by without a cat cow stretch session sometimes multiple sessions throughout my entire pregnancy! My movement continued right up until 2 days before giving birth at near 42 weeks, mainly walking and Pilates! The amount of walking I did in the last 2 weeks I was overdue was ridiculous, apparently you can’t walk/sweat out your baby!
After 2 hours of unsuccessful pushing, my birth resulted in theatre with forceps and an episiotomy, luckily with an epidural. Unfortunately when the incision was made, a few major blood vessels were impacted and I lost over 2L of blood. Without knowing it at the time, this substantial blood loss was about to slow my bodies ability to recover quickly and easily right down. If I am being honest, despite how sick I felt post theatre, my focus was all on Noah not on myself or the state I was in, I naively assumed it would be a straight forward recovery.
For the first 16 hours post birth, I was very weak and unwell unable to eat, drink, hold my baby without assistance let alone move. I ended up receiving two blood transfusions which helped breath some life back into me but I truly looked like death on legs and felt that way as well.
After 4 days, I was released from hospital despite them wanting to keep me longer as my plasma count from the blood loss was very low & I was very weak when moving. The joke was on me as I ended up back in only a few hours after I was discharged due to issues from all the medication I had received.
For the first 8 weeks, it felt like a never ending cycle of complications for me and my body. Luckily, Noah was a very accommodating, the biggest most challenging baby in the house was 100% me! I also could not fault my support network, they aren’t wrong when they say it takes a village. Despite the help I had, I was mentally and physically challenged from all angles and overall felt incapable and useless for myself, my baby and my family. I struggled to do basic tasks for myself and relied heavily on those around me to pick up Noah, help me shower, get dressed and do simple tasks around the house.
From being discharged from the hospital after 4 days, I ended up back there twice within the first 8 weeks. I experienced issues with breastfeeding and sought help with lactation specialists however we were unsuccessful. I continued to pump for 8 weeks straight, ended up with an oversupply resulting in a few rounds of mastitis, can confirm its not a fun time! The last round of mastitis infected my lymph nodes, it was recommended to me by doctors to dry up my supply to allow my body to recover and for my mental health state as well or risk continuing down the mastitis path. Once I worked through the mum guilt, I felt like I had one less pressure weighing on my shoulders & was able to take care of myself a little more.
Over the first 8 weeks, alongside masitis, I experienced constant scar pain, digestive issues from in general pregnancy but also the medication from hospital and an incredible amount of excess fluid. It took 3 weeks before you could even see my knee caps and from here I began regaining my colour, I was as white as a ghost! From my breastfeeding journey coming to an end, my hormones were running even wilder than before with many imbalances I had to begin working on with my naturopath straight away. With my hormones in all sorts, I ended up with cysts I had to have removed and a tumour I now get checked 6 monthly.
The emotional rollercoaster you ride was something I was not prepared for either. As someone who is usually a happy, positive person; I felt so negative & emotional ALL the time which only made me not feel or recognise myself even more so.
My vision of going for a walk with my family to get a coffee a few days post birth in reality, didn’t happen until I was over 4 weeks postpartum and I only managed 15 minutes. If I am being completely honest, I struggled. Mentally it felt amazing getting outside and leaving the house, physically I was disheartened.
At 6 weeks I was given the all clear to exercise however my body felt far from ready even though my scar was healed. I was still struggling to get up and down easily, bend and had a lot of fear as much as I mentally wanted to get going. I struggled a lot with my body and the way it looked and felt especially during the early days but also for a very long time despite have the most supportive partner, friends and family around me.
At 8 weeks, I attempted my first Pilates class at the studio and despite having to modify a lot of the workout, I felt proud I had even made it and managed most of the class. For peace of mind and to ensure I was activating properly, I began working with a pelvic floor physio to check my core and pelvic floor and was so happy to hear my strength and activation was still there.
From here, I slowly started to progress but it was a very slow progression. I had to remind myself frequently what my body had been through and to celebrate the little wins I did have but deep down I had a lot of fear that I would never feel or be able to do what I once did easily ever again.
In hospital, I was told after an episiotomy, I would be able to start running, plyometric, HIIT style workouts from 4 months postpartum. Once again, when I reached this timeframe, my body was far from ready and in reality, I wasn’t able to even attempt anything until well after 6.5 months. I had envisioned my recovery to be by the books like I had watched many women before me experience so it truly shocked me how extensive the process was for me.
I returned slowly back to work from 4 months which was amazing to be able to connect with everyone again & to feel like my old self but it also challenged me mentally. I work alongside women every day, I help them pre and post pregnancy, recover from injuries or for general health and wellbeing. With the state my body was in physically and how I felt mentally, I struggled to not feel inadequate at my job. I constantly thought “how can I train these women when I can’t even do that myself right now”. But these same women who I work alongside and with, without realising, it inspired & motivated me to keep pushing & working on myself, I am truly grateful for each and everyone of them.
The covid 2.0 lockdown was the next setback for me mentally having too much time to focus on my body, where I currently was recovery wise and how far away my prebaby bodies abilities were. I thought by this stage of my post partum recovery I would be looking and feeling almost “back to normal” but I still felt and looked squishy, I had no shape with my hips and waist still widened from being pregnant and my stretch marks very prominent. A few friends recommended a psychologist so I began seeking some help to work through the trauma of birth but also the fourth trimester challenges I had faced & I am so beyond grateful I did this.
I didn’t want to admit at the time how much I was struggling or look like I was “failing” to the outside world because I did and do absolutely adore being a mum and my little family. I didn’t want to seem ungrateful if I shared my hardships because I was and am so very grateful for my pregnancy, to have had my baby safely and for all the support I received. One of the key pieces of advice I received at a time I needed it was that it is okay to not love every second and feeling that way doesn’t make you ungrateful, selfish or a bad mother.
I really lost myself for a while & needed to regroup & refocus on what was truly important to me!
It became apparent how much I needed to re-establish some what of a routine for myself in regards to my workouts and diet. I am someone who thrives off routine and consistency so I really struggled to have no plan in place every week and to just be winging it. Over time, I learned how to just go with the flow a little easier and to be more open to disruptions however I made a routine to keep me consistent and one that was easy to maintain around family and work commitments.
After what felt like many ups and downs, I can honestly say it took me to around 11 months postpartum, although still feeling slightly imbalanced, I was the strongest, fittest, most myself I had felt since giving birth.
11 whole months.
Although, even now currently 16 months postpartum, I am still working to correct a rib tilt as a result of my ribcage expanding to grow my baby and never returning back together as well as re-regulating my hormones. Even though, I still feel stiff and have a few muscle imbalances I am working through, I finally feel like I have found myself again. I truly wasn’t sure I would ever get here, there was an incredible amount of fear and doubt throughout the lengthy recovery process I undertook but the light at the end of tunnel is near. I am proud of the hurdles I had to overcome to get to where I currently am in my journey.
I still have moments when I miss my prebaby body especially if I see an old photo, my stretch marks or struggle to do an exercises but I am only human, these moments will happen.
My routine when it comes to exercise, although some weeks can vary pending when I can get help with Noah and what commitments/appointments I have on during the week, is fairly consistent. A usual week for me, give or take, looks like; 2-3 gym sessions, 2-3 Pilates session at my studio, walks with family and home workouts whenever its just “one of those weeks”. Having this consistency helps me mentally and physically, I function better when I can get some movement in even if it is just 30 minutes. For me, exercise is my happy place and some time just for me to switch off. It is a non negotiable.
I think its safe to say for some, postpartum recovery isn’t 6 weeks and I hope this alone helps another mama in her recovery journey. It can be months or years but regardless of the length, every mama should take the time they need without the pressure of what the “expected” recovery time is. To know in time, they can reach the destination they are aiming for and be proud of what they have experienced and overcome!
I hope this is the stepping stone in changing the whole mentality that women have a baby and immediately “bounce back” after 6 weeks. I hope these stories will help to shed some light on the recovery process and showcase the different experiences in a positive way. I hope women reading these stories will feel less defeated by their bodies and their situation.
I hope by sharing recovery stories from REAL women, we can begin to broaden our awareness of the fourth trimester and become a little more prepared for our reality, hold less pressure on ourselves, feel less alone in the process and more supported knowing others have experienced but overcame the challenges they faced. Even despite every women’s journey being different.
These real recovery stories were exactly what I needed when I felt in the midst of my own watching other new mums flourishing while I felt like I was failing, I don’t wish that experience on anyone. If these stories can help another women along her journey, even just one, I would be happy.
-Lauren