Jo’s Story

To be completely honest, there was nothing unusual or particularly difficult about my pregnancy. I was so incredibly fortunate that I fell pregnant soon after my husband and I decided to start trying to conceive - I had been told by my GP that I should prepare myself not to fall quickly and that it may be a difficult journey, particularly given my “advanced maternal age” of 37.

The first 12 weeks were a mix of excitement, nerves, shock, joy and anxiety. My husband and I didn’t tell anyone about the pregnancy until then, I was so worried that something would go wrong. Before pregnancy, I was at the gym 4-5 times a week doing group fitness classes and felt relatively fit and strong.

In the first 12 weeks I was able to maintain going to the gym, though started being more conscious of my heart rate and my movements - somehow my awful coordination seemed to get even worse during pregnancy! Not long after this, COVID restrictions returned and I made the decision to stop going to the gym but continued walking several kilometres with my dog most days.

Despite this, I could actually feel my fitness and strength diminish over the next few months. Everything just seemed “harder” and my motivation really took a hit. So much easier to have a lie down than get out and walk.

Fairly early on, I promised myself that I would try to savour every part of pregnant (even the not so great bits) because it could be my only time, and for the most part I really loved being pregnant. There is no greater feeling than when my baby would kick, hiccup and slosh around in my belly. Even thinking about it now brings a smile to my face.

Having said that, the hardest part of my pregnancy wasn’t physical, it was mental. Primarily because it was during COVID - my husband wasn’t able to attend OB appointments or ultrasounds from about 24 weeks until 37 weeks, and due to lockdown I wasn’t able to see my family or friends for the bulk of my pregnancy. While I was only nauseous or physically ill for a few weeks during the second trimester, I did not have much of an appetite during most of my pregnancy. During the nausea I lived on jelly and cups of tea and in a cruel twist of fate, I could not even look at chocolate the whole nine months!

Without these sort of little reminders, I often didn’t “feel” pregnant - my belly didn’t pop until close to seven months and given my lack of appetite, I was losing or maintaining my weight until about that time. I was oddly proud that I gained less than 10kg during my pregnancy. See? A real mental battle.

I think it is fair to say I was not confident about childbirth. I felt unprepared and barely slept in the days before I was induced at 39+4 which resulted in a c-section as the induction failed. The only surgery I’d ever had was getting my wisdom teeth out at 21 so I was scared and anxious of what was to come. I remember waiting to go into the theatre and googling “what is a caesarean?” because it wasn’t something I had even considered, let alone researched. Spoiler alert - should not have consulted Dr Google!

The caesarean itself went well, I was overjoyed when my baby boy was presented to us yet still slightly terrified that I was now a mother. Recovery was a bit rocky, and I was still fairly out of it overnight and the next day. I was so appreciative that my husband jumped into the fray with a newborn and a wife who was bedridden and drugged up. Though I was later strangely sad that I missed seeing our baby be measured or experience the infamous first poo.

The motherhood guilt started fairly early for me.

Eight months on, I would now admit that I pushed myself too hard in the first weeks after returning home - so determined to show that I could still do the washing and other stupid chores that could have easily waited. Because I wasn’t able to drive, I decided to walk several kilometres to Westfield to do some Christmas shopping at about three weeks postpartum - genuinely stupid stuff.

Before returning to formal exercise, I started walking to build up any semblance of fitness. I would be puffed walking not even half what I was able to while pregnant and there were times when I felt my body was still failing me. I started doing mums and bubs reformer pilates around 14 weeks postpartum - I’d never done reformer before so I was nervous about my aptitude, fitness and how my body would work after the c-section, not to mention self conscious.

Jacq was lovely - reassuring, instructive and made me feel at ease particularly when bub would cry during class. I’ve maintained mums and bubs classes and since added “normal” reformer around seven months postpartum which has been amazing for mind and body. Up until recently, I’ve been convinced my core no longer exists - I couldn’t feel it being engaged and struggled with many of the movements. It’s taken hard work and perseverance but I’m now able to do core movements that a few months ago seemed impossible to even attempt.

I’ve done a couple gym group fitness classes the past two months but still finding my new routine and happy place for fitness.

I’m still discovering who I am now that I am a Mum, actively reminding myself to be kind to a body which I often feel frustrated with - feelings of failure during childbirth and the weeks following, as well as annoyance and disgust that my body no longer moves or looks the way it used to. My biggest piece of advice is to start seeing a women’s health physio during pregnancy. Also to take lots of photos and video in the newborn stage. You can’t have too many, and the time is so fleeting (and sleep deprived) that it’s hard to remember a few months down the track.

And always be kind to yourself, both you and bub are learning.

There is no greater joy than being my cheeky little boy’s Mum, I am relishing the time we have together while I’m still on maternity leave and trying to create lasting healthy habits.

-Jo